Category Archives: stress

A Letter To Myself

Dear me,

You are a wonderful person and you are stronger than you know. You take care of those you love and you do the best that you can in everything you do.

So then, why do you doubt yourself? Why do you feel like you can always do more or do better? Why do you feel so fragile? You cannot let fear and your insecurities get the best of you. You must not focus on the negatives, but rather direct that energy to all the positives in your life. Letting the negatives get the best of you only sends your fragile state of mind reeling. 

You know how good you feel when you do something for yourself, when you put yourself first. You seem to fall into the trap of not taking care of yourself when you are stressed out. There will always be something stressful going on, you have to decide how best to manage that stress and not let it get the best of you.

Yesterday, you made the decision to go for a walk and that walk turned into running. You ran when you felt like it and walked when you needed to. After not running for far too many weeks, you did pretty good despite the heat. You should not be so hard on yourself and just enjoy the moment.

Do you remember how you felt when you ran your first half-marathon? You felt like you could do anything – and you can. You have the ability to accomplish anything you set your mind to. It’s the reason you signed up for another half-marathon, to feel that enormous sense of accomplishment in completing something you never thought you would do.

If you are not happy about how you feel or how you look, YOU are the only one who can do something about it, YOU are the only one who can make the right choices and change. You’ve done it before, you can do it again.

Life is too short to be stressed out about things. You cannot control everything and there is no sense in worrying about the things that you know are out of your control. Focus on YOURSELF and the rest will fall into place.

Love,

Yourself

A Relaxing Saturday

I apologize for my lack of posts the last few days. I’ve been busy and it just carried over into blog-land. I hate it when that happens, but such is life. Today, however, made up for me being so busy the last few days. I had a very relaxing Saturday.

I started off the morning getting a massage. I cannot stress how much I needed a massage. My shoulders were so tight, there’s no doubt that I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I had a gift certificate to Massage Studio in Tampa and I enjoyed every minute of it. If you like, you can read my full review of it on Yelp. You can find it here: http://crazylifeofmine.yelp.com While you’re here, if you are a regular on Yelp, be sure to add me as a friend! 🙂

massage

After my massage, I went up to Barnes & Noble in Carrollwood for a book signing event for Colleen Houck. Actually, it was the second signing I went to as I saw her in Clearwater last night as well. Thanks to my SIL for inviting me! Colleen Houck is the wonderful author of the YA series Tiger’s Curse, Tiger’s Quest, Tiger’s Voyage, and the upcoming Tiger’s Destiny. I have read the first in the series and completed my collection today with the second and third and had them signed by Colleen. If you haven’t checked out this series, you need to. Visit Colleen Houck’s site here http://www.tigerscursebook.com/ . Or you can also read about her and the series on my SIL’s fantastic YA Lit Review blog, Making The Grade. You can find her here: http://mtgreviews.wordpress.com/

colleen h reading

colleen h signing

colleen h books

After the signing, I headed home and was hit with a killer sinus headache. The drive from Tampa to Clearwater was the longest ever. All I wanted was to get home, crawl in bed, and hope that a nap would help it. I slept almost 2 hours and when I woke up, my headache was a little better. I’m not going anywhere else today so I hope that it does not get any worse and even better would be for it to GO AWAY!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Just breathe…

What a week this has been. It’s been busy, crazy, overwhelming, and I was not at my best when I caved into the evilness of the Pizza Hut Dinner Box on Monday. I still say it was DE-LISH but it has had me stressing over my weigh-in this week.

This morning was my weigh-in and my moment of truth. Let me start by saying that I wasn’t as fearful of the scale this morning as I was earlier in the week when thinking about it. I own everything I do and eat, so there is no one to blame but myself for a gain. I am accountable for anything I do. And a gain this week would CLEARLY have been from the evil pizza/breadsticks/cinamonn sticks.  There are times when the thought of seeing a gain due to a really bad meal will stop me from that meal, it’s enough for me to make better choices. There are times when I just don’t care, or I care less at that moment.

With that said, I weighed in this morning at the EXACT same weight as last week. I maintained. And I couldn’t be happier about it. Whew!

Yesterday was a hard day. Without getting into it just now, just know that had it not been the day before weigh-in, I would have eaten everything in site and probably would have thrown in a few drinks as well. Somehow this morning’s weigh-in outweighed (no pun intended) the emotional eating that I could have very easily given into. That’s my thing, emotional eating. Stressed, upset, scared, hurt, you name it – it sends me straight to the nearest food or snack or drink that is bad for me.

Today starts a new week, with new choices to make. I’ve already indulged in a McD’s lunch because I have the extra points for it, and that’s what they’re there for. It’s all a balance of not depriving myself and choosing what to have and if it’s worth the consequences. Today it’s worth it.

Just breathe will be my mantra today and in the coming days.

What a great tattoo!

I don’t care.

I always worry about how I look in my clothes. I like to be invisible, I don’t like to draw attention to myself. So as I was running this morning, I was thinking about how when I run, I don’t care what I look like.

I don’t run fast, I don’t run pretty. I wear what is comfortable, not worrying about the size of my butt, or how big my arms look, or how my tummy would be so much nicer if it were flatter. None of that matters when I put on my Nike running pants which are very fitted. Or my dri-fit running shirt which is also fitted. I pull my mess of hair back in a make-shift ponytail and out the door I go.

My mind is not consumed with thoughts of what I look like as I run down the sidewalk to the park entrance. Or how silly I must look when I am on a walk break, pumping my arms like there is no tomorrow. I’m not worried about how sweaty I am.

I don’t care.

What I do think about is how I am taking that time for myself and how every mile I run is good for me and will go along way to making me feel better in my clothes when I’m not running. I care about the journey that I am on. I don’t care what people think when I am huffing and puffing along or when I get caught up in the moment and I’m singing along with whatever fabulous song is playing on my iPhone. I don’t wonder what people think when I get caught up in the moment and end up crying from the stress relief or me just being the emotional mess that I am sometimes. I am too busy feeling empowered.

I don’t care what people think. All that matters is what I think and I know I am out there giving it my all. And that is all that matters.

 

The truth.

 

 

Training with a friend!

The past month, my good friend Terrie and I have been meeting on Saturday’s to walk in preparation for the Rock ‘N Roll Half Marathon on February 12. We both knew the other was planning to do the half marathon, but it was by chance that we started getting together weekly to walk together. She has a hip injury that reared it’s ugly head and her usual training took a back seat. She just happened to get ahold of me one day and asked if I wanted to meet up with her to walk. Sure! I am so glad we did.

Since then, we have walked 5 times – three times along Bayshore Blvd. in Tampa, we did a 5K in Wesley Chapel, and last week we walked our farthest together, 11 miles over the causeway to Clearwater Beach and Sand Key.

Walking has always been a stress-reliever for me and walking with a friend is an added bonus. Just like my walks with Jenna, it is always wonderful! Terrie and I have a common goal in mind with the half marathon coming up next week. I am super excited that we will share this experience together, our first half-marathon. Whatever our finishing times are next week, we will be cheering each other on. it’s not about who will finish first or last. Even if we get separated, we will support each other to the finish line. I can’t wait!!

A few of my favorite pics from our walks….

A glorious sunrise at Ballast Point Park
in South Tampa

Memorial Causeway to Clearwater Beach
Sunrise over downtown Clearwater
View of Sand Key from Memorial Causeway
in Clearwater
View of downtown Tampa from
Ballast Point Park




Beautiful Byshore Blvd. in Tampa

Approaching 40

As my birthday is quickly approaching, just a couple weeks away, this coming week I am reminded why I dread turning 40.

I know, it’s just a number. It doesn’t shouldn’t mean anything. But it does. It is a reminder to me of how much I dislike my body and what it cannot do.

Five years ago this week, I had a miscarriage. Since then, my body has been poked, prodded, medicated, tested, operated on, and more, all to no avail. Five years ago this week, we lost the baby we were supposed to have. We should have a 4 year old child. But we don’t.

Everyone has reasons to dislike their body. Before being momentarily pregnant and then losing it in the blink of any eye, I would tell you I didn’t like my body because I wasn’t thin, I didn’t like my butt, legs, whatever. While I STILL dislike those things about my body, it seems so minor compared to not being able to have a baby, to be labeled “infertile” by doctors.

The last several years have been rough. ROUGH in all capital letters. Losing a baby, running two businesses at once, the crash of the economy and all the stress from that, the above mentioned poking and prodding, losing our Sweet Sammi dog, and losing Daddy last year. My body has taken a beating, – physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I do my best to not think about the very real fact that we likely will never have a child. It is an awful thought to think about. Our resources are tapped, we have no alternatives, so I do my best to focus on everything else. Hence, one of the many reasons I am making 2012 MY year. The year to take care of myself. I am determined to make the year that I turn 40 the one to remember by losing the weight I’ve put on the last several years, to do not one but two half-marathons this year, and as many 5Ks as I can. I want to take control back on my body and show it that I am in charge, not  it.

It’s a struggle, it always will be. It’s so easy to not care about what I eat or drink or if I sit on the couch every day and not walk or workout. It’s easy to fall into that trap. My body can’t do what I want it to do, why should I be good to it? But that won’t get me anywhere, except depressed.

I am changing that. And somehow, someway, I will one day learn to accept the other facts. Maybe.

Health and Wellness Goals for 2012

Happy New Year! Happy 2012!! I am happy to have a fresh start. Something about a new year that makes me feel like I have a chance to start over and get it right, yet again.

I hate to use the word resolutions, so I am going to use the word goals. I have a few health and wellness-related goals, and what better place to put them then here, where anyone can see them. I am all about accountability, so here goes.

1) Be nicer to myself in 2012. This is a hard one for me. I tend to get mad at my body for the things it can’t do and then I don’t care what I do to it. Mostly, eating. I love to eat, no surprise there, but I go through phases where I just flat out don’t care how much I eat or what I eat. Screw it, I just don’t care. Well, as fun as it is at that moment, I CAN’T DO THAT. I am fortunate to like and enjoy a lot of healthy foods and I should really focus on those more than the bad.

2) Do my best to stick to a regular walking/running routine even when I am too busy. This is another downfall of mine. When I get busy and have too much to do, my needs are the first to go. And ususally, any exercise I am currently into at the time goes out the window. It’s the easiest thing to give up because I can’t give up things like sleep, eat, take care of the dogs, etc… I CAN’T DO THAT. Everyone gets busy and it’s hard to fit everything in. I need to lose my all-or-nothing mentality and remember that even if I don’t have time for a 3-mile walk, 1-mile would be better than nothing. Over time it all adds up and it is good for my mental health.

3) Lose weight. I am having such a hard time with my weight these days. I’ll address the “how much do I need to lose” on a later post. I know metabolism slows down as you get older and I am here to tell you that is true. But I have to find a way to make it work. I can’t continue on this path of eating whatever I want, when I want because it tastes good. I CAN’T DO THAT. My short frame is not meant to be this weight. I can feel it, my body aches, and I don’t like it. I know over time with proper eating and activity it will respond. It may happen slower than it has in the past, but I am confident that I can lose the weight.

4) Do more walking/running events. After signing up for my first half marathon the other day, I am already thinking about a second one. Yes, I am an over-achiever. I would like to do TWO half-marathons in 2012 and I would like to do THREE 5Ks. Here’s the catch…. I want to run two of the 5Ks. I used to be able to run 3 miles at a time and I will get back there. I’m already looking into local events for the year.

5) Read more books. This one is totally non-health related, but it’s something I’d like to do so it falls under the wellness category. With my current Kindle Fire obsession, I have plenty to read and I want to work towards a goal of 40 books for the year.

6) Keep up with my blog as regularly as possible. I’m not sure that when people read this they enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it, but it is so fun for me to do and makes me feel better. It’s like my journal, a way to express my feelings and most of all, I can pretend to be a writer. Thank you to all who read this!

What are YOUR goals for 2012?

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Today’s post will focus on the good, the bad, and the ugly of the last few days, in no particular order.

The good…. I walked this morning, at the park. I ignored the rain clouds looming over head and headed out. I walked, didn’t run. I didn’t set my tracker for a 5K, I just set it to basic and off I went. I walked for 1 hour and 24 seconds, 3.57 miles. I walked just to walk – not to beat my previous times, not to break any records. I just walked. And it was great. Rain and all. I don’t know why I couldn’t get my butt out there these last couple of weeks when it becomes so apparent how much I enjoy it the minute I start walking.
(note to self: come back often and read this post to remind yourself how important walking is no matter what kind of funk you are in.)

The bad… I gained 2 pounds this week. Honestly, I expected it especially after missing the meeting the week prior. The meetings are great for getting me on the right foot for the new week. If I lose, it keeps me motivated to continue doing what I’m doing. If I gain, it motivates me to work harder. So, I will own these 2 pounds that are now along for the ride on my butt or hips or wherever else they decided to attach themselves.

The ugly… With the 2pounds I have gained, it puts me at a total loss of only 6.6 pounds in the whole time I’ve been back at WW. The highest my loss has been was 12.2 pounds so I have gained half of that back. This is pretty disheartening but I have to remember that it’s just not easy to lose weight and life just gets in the way. The first time I did WW, it wasn’t “easy” but it was “easier” than this time. But my body is different this time, it’s been through the ringer, poked, prodded, and more. Not to mention I’m 5 years older now. It’s just not easy. But I’m not going to give up.

The good… I am not going to let this weight loss battle beat me. I am going to keep at it, do the best I can, and know that I am doing exactly that. It may not be easy, but it will not beat me.

The bad… After re-commiting myself to tracking again on Wednesday, I fell off the wagon yesterday and didn’t track a single bit. So, I am starting over again today to try for my #7daychip. I know I can do this. I’ll pick myself back up and start again. Today is day 1.

The ugly… I overate in a big way at dinner last night. Nobody’s fault but mine. I did it and I own it. Time to move on.

The good… On Wednesday, I committed to not having Starbucks until the weekend. I successfully met that challenge and rewarded myself with one this morning. It was super yummy and I enjoyed it. I tracked it, and all is right in the world.

The good… When I went to WW yesterday, Lorraine (our fearless leader) was so happy to see me and greeted me with a hug. She said she  had been worried about me all week. That made me feel good. It’s people like her who keep those meetings going and keep us coming back. She has been in the same place we have, fought the same battles, and is there to offer her support in any way she can. Thank you Lorraine.

The good… After the WW meeting, I had a great talk with Tammy, a WW friend. We chat at each meeting, and on Facebook. We both enjoy walking, and seem to have the same struggles with time, with our bodies cooperating, and just trying to get that scale to go down. She told me she was worried about me, that I was looking a little defeated and to not give up. Our talk reminded me that it is really good to get back to basics and just keep plugging along, doing the best we can. Thank you Tammy, you’re a doll.

I might have to make this a regular post… It’s a good way to get things off my chest, things I need to face and deal with. That’s the whole point of my blog. I already have tomorrow’s post in mine, so stay tuned!

Running through the tears…

I had a good walk/run today despite the unbelievable humidity. But in typical fashion, the run part of my efforts turned into me into a blubbering, teary-eyed mess. I am not sure why, but it’s more common than not for me to cry when I run. I am not a pretty runner or even a good runner, but it’s certainly not physical pain prompting my tears.

Between the endorphins that are kicking and just the release I feel in being outside and taking time for myself, I start really thinking about my dad, and on come the tears.

I miss my dad and wish so much that I could talk to him and see him and hug him. I think of him many times, every day, but I am so busy that those thoughts and memories, sadly, tend to get pushed aside in the craziness of my day. But when I am running and I have the miracle of an off-switch for the work stress and more that floods my mind daily, the thoughts of my dad fill my heart and mind.

I am okay with the tears and the thoughts I have of him durning my run. But it sure makes it tricky to see some times. By the time I am done, I am totally d-o-n-e. Worn out and exhausted. I have always said that walking is my therapy and good for my mental health, and for the depression tendencies I naturally have. I believe that even more after I’ve had a good cry, running through the park. I need that time that I take for myself, tears, thoughts of my dad, and all.

Give and Take

This past week marked 16 weeks back at WW for me. I had a gain, as expected, after the long holiday weekend of the 4th and a busy week. I need to work on being more prepared for the busy weeks so I stop using that as an excuse handle them better.

Let’s start with my stats:
Current weight:  155.6
Total  lost: 10.2
This loss is down from 12.2 lbs. lost back on 06/03/11

Having been back at WW for 16 weeks now, I have been reminded how so much of it is give and take. Part of WW is learning how to handle different situations and to make wise decisions when it comes to eating. I do my best to always have fruit in the fridge, LOTS of water, and dinner is my biggest protein meal of the day. I also don’t eat after 8:30 pm. 

Where I struggle is lunch during the week. My stress level has a tendency to dictate how good or bad I will be for lunch. The smoother my day is going, the better I’m going to be. If it is a bad day, all good intentions go out the window. Even if I started out the day by packing a lunch and calculating my points for the day, it doesn’t matter at that point.

This is where that give and take comes in. If I give 110% and do everything I can – eat right, drinnk plenty of water, and get in plenty of activity – I will more than likely see results when I weigh-in. If I don’t do all those things, it will also be reflected on the scale.

I am in control of my destiny on that scale. How hard do I want to work each week to make it happen? Do I want to kill myself to lose the weight as soon as possible? NO. Slow and steady whens the race… Do I want to do my best when I can yet still enjoy life and eating out and family meals, etc…. YES.

Would I like to be a little farther in my weight loss journey at this 16 week mark? YES. Maybe at my 10%…. Am I going to stress over it? NO. I made choices throughout these 16 weeks and this is where I am so far. Being down 10.2 lbs. is nothing to sneeze at. And that is going to keep me going.

A couple goals I am setting for myself this week:
– Keep up the 64 oz. of water a day. A couple days this week I did not meet that goal. I am also going to get back to posting it on FB when I reach my goal each day – helps to keep me accountable.
– Do my best to make time to walk at least 4 days this week, despite how busy I am.

What are some of your goals for the week?